Lynn

Childish as it seems. But Apparently everyone seems to be enjoying ourselves engaging in such childish act in one way or another right consciously or unconsciously.

all Was part of everyone's assumptions. BUt somehow the assumptions seem so real it begins to hurt everyone.

And farz Who was the one who "maybe" was so angry that left? Common since this is sort of a "confrontations".. Why beat around the bush. Just list the name. No point playing the assumptions game anymore.

And yup.. WE [ Lynn & Farz ] Had a very big misunderstanding. And Whose fault was it? BOTH. I have never push the ENTIRE blame to you because i know i play a role in it too.
And i still dun trust you. It hurts You and "It really feels lyk a DEEP STAB in [your] heart tt it juz wont heal"? Think again farz. Why did i react in such a way and why did i even feel that way in the first place. It is all because of your OWN ACTIONS. You cause such thing to happen and you blame me for not trusting you. All the "whispering". All the "nothing nothing" when obviously there is something. I am not asking you to share it with me if you dun wan but show some respect for me and the people around you. If you do not want to share do it far away from a distant. That is just plain rude. And it do hurts okay! And so DAMAGE ARE ALREADY DONE. Your ACTIONS spark a NEGATIVE reaction in me.
Yes. I am definitely wrong in making all those ridiculous assumptions. And i am sorry that it hurts you. Looking back if i could turn back time, i would definitely not make all the asumptions. But the damage is done just like how u created the damage for me not trusting you. So i have to bear that conscience in me everyday.
I deleted all our pics [ you & me] because i feel that you are no longer the person i thought i knew. You were secretive. And i feel like i am not being treated as your friend. Friends dun act secretively infront of each other farz.
There is always a cause and effect for everything to happen. And this is what has been happening.
I cause something to create an effect on you.
You cause something to create an effect on me.
Get the drift.

And farz.. it is not "Mayb I make e wrong mistake by making a joke abt ur probs." It IS A MISTAKE.
Well for me.. why i didnt pour out my problems to you all was because you all created this impression that you were not interested. You were out to make jokes.
Ask yourself, have you all ever really sit down and have a heart to heart talk with either any of us. Definitely not to me.
You had your own preference to show your happy sides and not burden us. I had my own preference. I would very much like a friend to sit down with me, and lend a listening ear and be serious for that moment. That is why whenever you all ask if i am ok, i would say "yeah i am ok" because I assume you all would never understand. Because of the impressions you have created and also you all like to say [especially farz & aini ] " ape ni emo emo.. tgk kiter.. happy jer tak de problem" Think about it la. How does that makes me feel?
It makes me feel inferior to you all because you all are the no-problem-happy-go-lucky-girls and i am not. So do you think i would even bother pourin it out to you.
And yes. I think we all [ misfits ] didnt understand each other enough and we all didnt accomodate to each other patterns well enough.

And farz.. shafa didnt ask you all on the platform. She ask you all after the last lesson going down the lift. I REMEMBER that very clearly. But if you remember farz.. what were you all doing in the clinical.. You were busy secretively talking on the phone infront of us with aini to some "friend" you claim. So it already made me and shafa unhappy that you HAD to do that. Do you think we will straightaway ask you all? NO. And moreover it wasnt a confirm plan so we waited for the right time. Maybe the right time came too late.

And the whispering thing. Hmm.. since you all started it, well we might as well continue it. Childish act on our part. But who cares right. When you all can do it why not us. This is call tasting your own medicine. We would definitely not do that if you dun do that to us. We just want you to understand how it feels to be us when you all were whispering once upon a time.

And farz stop beating around the bush. That someone is Me. I was the one who told Min you all didnt tell us. And i can swear or sumpah [whatever you prefer] I TOTALLY DIDNT KNOW ABOUT IT OKAY! I only know it was on 14 of feb the actual day and i couldnt make it of course because i had a date my my bf. But you all didnt tell me it was changed to 13 instead. If i know it was on the 13.. i WOULD definitely go okay. And you said it was last min? But aini wrote it was a planned one "...so we said 13/02 but all still got something on.. so the 3 of us go ahead with the plan eating at pizza hut..." -quoted from aini entry. So which is which ni? I didnt know tongue twisting existed in witches. I thought dewi hate that? hmm...

Actually it didnt matter if we didnt know about the cookies. Since it was SO NICE OF YOU TO GIVE THEM AFTER SHAFA & HANA LEFT. But how did we end up knowing? If your intentions was so nice as to not want to let us know, then why even posting it and specify the special people you made for in your fotopage. IF you had the intention to make for us and if the reason you didnt made for us was because of the "not enough" bahan, then shouldnt you also add it in, in your fotopage remark too.. Something like... 'not enough bahan and stuff for us' But NO you didnt. So yeah. We question your intentions.

Actually right i didnt often got to your fotopages. Do you think i even had the time to even view one by one and view your past entry? why should i even bother. It has nothing to do with me and there is no picture of me to view. So why even bother. I would definitely not act on such childish stuff. The time i go to your fotopages was to only take and view my pictures. And how we found out? Well.. we found out only yest. Yes. YESTERDAY 23 MARCH 2007.

And aini, We did nothing in makin things better do definitely but we didnt make an effort to make it worse. I thought everything died down and we can move on with our own lives. BUt NO. DEWI had to start writing that self fulflling prophecy. and She had to do that and stir up our emotions right.

And if it is about competition and how many outings we all had.. then you all reflect on yourself. If we had that intentions, there would be so many outings between me, hana & shafa. But NO we didnt. Go and count yourself and go do some research if you all bother. You all had the most outings than us. So why push it to us?