Shafa Here.
Misfits problem.

If what Im going to say is going to hurt or make you angry, Im sorry. But its just my personal point of view. I will say this before anyone starts questioning and thinking what of me. Me, Hana and Lin had our own steamboat at my house a few days back. Im I didn't invite the rest because all of you are aware of the problem we are having. I actually thought of it but I stopped. Then when I heard Aini passed her TP from Min, I was shocked and somehow glad I didn't invite you all over. Come to think of it, why didn't you tell us? Min had to tell us. That felt weird. It felt that we weren't important enough to know you passed your driving.

Hmm okay. This is my very own personal view about what is happening with us. Now, about the pictures. Well, Im sorry if you thought my captions were rude to you all but I didn't really mean no harm. Its just captions. There's so much to write and I didn't want to type so long. If you think this is just an excuse to cover up then I'm sorry but it isn't. About the witches and the emo thing. What I feel about this is that, to name yourselves [Aini,Farz,Dewi] as a group hurts me. Why must you all call yourselves the witches? I didn't like it. Then you all started to emphasize more on it everytime. I felt like an outcast somehow. But you all [Aini,Farz,Dewi] keep on emphasizing on 'witches'. It seemed that you all liked it. So I can't call you all witches. Then don't have the name witches at all. It just grouped the 3 of you together even more. Understand?

During study week, Ok. So I was WRONG in not coming over to you guys. But did you all invited me? I guess what all of you would say is, why I need to be invited when I know I can come if I want and whenever I want to. Right? Well, I felt at that point of time all of us were kinda separated already and I just felt I needed to avoid all these that may just make me angry and question your motives.

Yes, I didn't liked being called emo. However, I didn't come up with that labeling and in fact I don't call myself, Lin & Hana the emos. For the fact that we didn't like it. Like what Farz said, some prefer to show their happy side and not talk about their problems. I guess for me, I can't cover that up very well and therefore it shows everytime when I have a problem and there's school. For me, I don't really tell my problems as a group. I'd rather have a one on one talk with any of you.Seriously. If you ask me, there's no one better to talk to then any of you 6 ppl but I guess, individually none of you besides Hana & Lin actually asked me individually and separately whats wrong.

To tell you all the truth, I never had any close friends like this before. You all accepted me for who I am. In my other schools I've never really had true friends, close friends like all of you. They all treated me like dirt. Like I wasn't even supposed to be born on this earth. Maybe I get abit too personal sometimes and it irks you out but thats just how I am. To tell, you all what I feel, think every night is that I hope all of us would stay together till we all are married, successful and have kids like what we all loved to talk about then. I wished and hope that none of you will ever face the kind of problems I have and that I am so very grateful having you guys as friends. People I love the most I can tell you is not much. I love my dad, my brother and all of you. You all are my precious. Did you know that? I guess I never mentioned it but now that its out, its just for all of you to know.

I wouldn't say I didn't play a part in making this whole thing bad. I know I did somehow but I guess I can't still figure it out yet. For that, Im sorry. Then, I guess you all would have to tell me what I did. TELL ME.

About the ramen ten, I actually asked you guys outside the lecturers' office when Hana, Lin and Min went to see the lecturer. Hana & Lin didn't know I invited you guys until I actually told them. But its over. So I guess I can't talk much about it. About the rollerblading thing. I've no idea you all went after we went. And it still confuses me why. But then again, its over. Ok. So I don't want to linger and talk about the past events that had happened. Im not avoiding it. Its just that its over, so why must we keep talking about it? We have to talk about what OUR future is going to be like.

To Aini,
I feel that you just go with the flow right? If people ask you out, you follow and if they don't you just keep quiet about it. I feel that you don't side with anyone but yet you appear to. So that was a misunderstanding. I remember our mini outings to causeway point, go cold storage and stuff. It was fun. It was. What I see is that you have alot of friends. You are the popular one. I'm not jealous but Im happy to have a friend as popular as you. Back In secondary school, popular people hated me. Never wanted me to be around. But I guess certain people [Like 'Bob'] Feel that Im being friends with you just to be as popular and as pretty. Thats not true. I want to be friends with you cause I like you and know that you are fun to be around with. It hurts me alot when people think that way. Ok. So Im ugly, I got a big nose and I don't know how to style myself. Im aware of that Mr Bob. You don't need to keep emphasizing it everywhere. Blog, even my fotopage? How did you even know I had fotopage? Oh well. I also remembered that you were the very FIRST misfit I got to know. And damn you do talk alot and you are very friendly! That's good cause I was the shy one. =)

To Dewi,
Honestly, on the day you went clubbing with us, I was totally shocked. I didn't believed Lin when she said you were going until I saw you that night. Well, I guess its up to everyone what they want to do. You can't force anyone to do anything about you but yourself. Maybe Im not so close to you among all of us Misfits, but what you appear to be, is that you don't really share as much [well, atleast thats what I feel] to me about whats happening around you. Ok, so its your personal life and you don't wish to share it but when Aini said you were'nt as quiet as you looked, I was so curious in wanting to know more about you but maybe I didn't make a move to do so. My mistake. Sorry.

To Farz,
Hmm. Where do I even start. We have some things in common. We are of the same age, we are in the same hospital, we have attachments together even our addresses are almost the same that I can even remember yours without having to think. But why? Why do you treat me as such. I thought we could be the best of friends. I trusted you so much. Then, I found out you already had a best friend. But it was okay. So long we were still close I was very happy. We had our outings, our fun, our crap but suddenly everything when down the drain. Slowly I found out you lied, you didn't tell me what you felt and you just blogged indirectly to scold me. I was so hurt. I know you have alot of friends, I can see that. I said this before, I've had only one best friend before and she left. To think that you were going to be my next best friend and you left me like that hurts me to my guts. Im not asking for anything back. Whatever I gave, whatever we spent on. Sometimes I just think you weren't grateful or its just that Im not doing enough to be your best friend. The point where everything crushed was when you showed my your driving results. You expected me not to be angry and sad with you? How could I? You could still lie about you having to wait for your friend to enrol with you and you keep asking me this and that. Why did you lie to me? If you weren't going to tell. Then don't ask me such questions. It just hurts me alot. Haiz.

To Farhana,
You know I treat you like a big sister. I've always did. Its not the matter of me and hana being called 'adek beradek' that I treat her like one. Its because she seems like someone I can look up to. Like what Lin said, your temper scares me. It really does. When you are angry, its hard for me to communicate with you. I know that I would have to leave you alone till you mellowed down. Overall, I have high respect for you and I trust you. Our outings together like going to Amore made us closer and I loved that. I appreciate it alot too. The fun we had when you were around was the best cause you always can crack each and everyone of us up.

To Lin,
At first, I couldn't take your straight-forwardness. I didn't like it. I tried not to get so close to you. It does hurt me sometimes only that I don't say. But then, I learned. Being straightforward isn't at all bad. Atleast I know what I did wrong, what I say wrong and try to amend it. Then, I realised, I could share my problems with you cause we both have certain problems in common and thus I feel comfortable around you from then on. Sometimes, I guess I take to much of your personal time and even times when you were going out with Zac I followed, being the light bulb. For that Im sorry. I didn't mean to intrude in to your personal life. Im sorry if I irritated you.

To Muhaymin,
Min, is another person that I really respect. What I have to say is that sometimes you tend to really make me irritated when you talk all so 'pak cik like'. I don't want you to sound like my father but instead like my big brother. That is why most times I just don't bother to tell you when I know what kind of respond I would get from you. For you too, I know you're neutral on all this and that you don't really know what is happening and all, that you were asked by all of us[misfits girls] to pass messages to each other cause we weren't in good terms. For that, I want to say sorry if we troubled you alot.

Me spending alot of time with Hana & Lin. Why? Cause the 3 of you spend alot of times together, therefore I spent time more with them. Not that I HAD TO. but I WANTED TO. I feel very comfortable with them around and all. But did 3 of you [Aini, Farz & Dewi] ever thought they hey, 3 of you have almost the same backgrounds and us 3 have the same? Think about it ya. That is why I never really felt you could understand me totally. To say, I didn't share, thats not true. I tried but its just hard cause you all don't seem to really understand. If you say I bitch about it in my blog, then well, you haven't seen what I write in my diary. All in all, Farz, you hurt me the most. I want to hate you but you are my friend. And so I try so hate not to. But do you hate me? Honestly. I WANT TO KNOW. Tell me Farz.

So I guess I have let it out. My own personal view about this and I hope it doesn't makes things worse only better cause now that all of you know what I feel about our situation and what I think about each of you. Like what some of you said, lets not make things worse and make gd things happen. Lets have lunch together or outing together one of these days!! We all need to meet up and do crazy things together again. I missed that A WHOLE LOT! =)